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Side Notes – “The Ten Dick Rule”

The officer did not even realize that he wrote that in his report.  He testified on direct examination that my client was polite and cooperative during the tests.  He also went into detail regarding my client performance on the tests.  At the beginning of my cross-examination, I asked if there were any changes he wanted to make to his report – he stated no.  I also asked him again if his report was correct, or if he wanted to make any changes. He said no.  With a little creative license, the cross-examination went something like this:

ATTORNEY: John was polite

OFFICER: Yes

ATTORNEY: he was cooperative

ATTORNEY: he was a gentlemen under the circumstances

OFFICER: Yes

ATTORNEY:  do you recall what he said?

OFFICER: Not exactly.

ATTORNEY: Please look at your report and see if it refreshes your recollection.  Please read his response to yourself.

OFFICER – looks at report silently for about 30 seconds.  Then he smiles.  Not a happy smile.

ATTORNEY: Are you finished reading your report officer?

OFFICER: Yes.

ATTORNEY: Please read his response, as you recorded it, to the jury.

OFFICER: “Refused tests – ‘suck my dick’”

ATTORNEY:  I am confused officer.  In your view, is a request to suck John’s dick a polite request?

OFFICER:  No.  That one line was just left in template when I started my report.  It is just an admin. error.  Everything else is correct.

ATTORNEY: Do you cut and paste information into your reports?  Is that how the “dick” got in there?

OFFICER: No.  I did not paste that in there.

ATTORNEY: by “that” you mean the “dick.”

OFFICER: Yes

ATTORNEY: yes, “dick”

OFFICER: yes “dick.”

ATTORNEY: so you believe there was a “dick” in your report before your started writing it?

OFFICER: yes, in the template.

ATTORNEY: yes a “dick”

OFFICER: yes a “dick”

ATTORNEY: I thought you testified this was a particularly memorable case because John almost fainted when he saw the needle used for the blood draw?

OFFICER: correct

ATTORNEY: I assume a man commanding you to suck his dick is a memorable event for you.

OFFICER: it is.

ATTORNEY: by “it” you are again referring to “dick”

OFFICER: “yes dick”

ATTORNEY: how often are you commanded to suck a “dick”?

OFFICER: Excuse me.

ATTORNEY: I did not mean the question, to pry into your personal life, I meant professionally.  How often do other men ask you to suck their dicks while working as a police officer.

PROSECUTOR: Objection.

…DICK DISCUSSION GOES ON FOR A WHILE…

The jury later came back with a not guilty verdict, and the “Ten Dick Rule” was born.